How to Help Your Child Navigate a Sibling’s Illness and Other Hardships

This is a guest post written by The National Children’s Cancer Society (NCCS). The NCCS is a not-for-profit organization providing support to families making their way through the daunting world of childhood cancer and survivorship.

It can be difficult for children when their sibling is sick or when their family is going through a tough time. Naturally, much of the attention is focused on the child who is ill, which leaves their healthy siblings feeling angry, guilty, isolated, sad and anxious. In many cases, parents can help ease these feelings through quality time together and family exercises, such as a small craft or a relaxing activity.

Research from the Journal of Pediatric Oncology reveals that when children possess a positive personal outlook on life, they’re likely to remain optimistic and have an easier time coping. Parents can help build this positivity through hands-on activities that give their healthy children a chance to process emotions and connect with their families during a difficult time.

With more than 30 years of experience serving nearly 43,000 children facing childhood cancer, the NCCS would like to share age-specific tips and activities to help keep healthy siblings happy and engaged during trying times. While these tips and activities may be designed for families with children that have cancer, many can be applied to families facing other hardships such as a death in the family or parental illness.

Birth to 3 years old:

• Technology can help you feel connected while apart, use Facetime or record stories and lullabies to soothe the baby while he/she is with a babysitter or in a new environment.
• Since transitions can take some time, it’s best not to attempt toilet training or major developmental tasks until there is a consistent routine in place.
• Suggested activity:
  • Play with playdough – Kneading dough is an opportunity to talk while playing, work out tensions and have fun with the baby. Scented playdough can enhance relaxation.

3-5 years old:

• Even if toddlers revert to behaviors they have grown out of, including having accidents or throwing tantrums, continue implementing standards and discipline as before to provide a sense of security and routine.
• Give concise explanations of what their sibling or family member is going through to allow them to feel informed and connected to what’s going on.
• Suggested activity:
  • Pop cancer bubbles – Have children blow bubbles and pretend to be a chemo shark or radiation monster who pops bubbles to kill cancer cells. This will give them relief while developing a small understanding of treatments.

6-12 years old:

• If possible, let children decide for themselves who will be helping care for them when parents are traveling or absent overnight.
• Explain that all feelings experienced are okay and reassure them that even their tough feelings are alright too.
• Suggested activity:
  • Make colorful paper chains – Help children write feeling words on strips of construction paper and discuss what they mean, such as love, life, hope and courage. Let kids decide what order they want their strips in and where they want to hang their finished product.

13-18 years old:

• Arrange a tour of the hospital or clinic with their brother/sister and encourage them to ask questions of the medical team.
• Give teens abundant permission to talk about themselves, as they’re probably receiving a lot of questions about their siblings.
• Suggested activity:
  • Trade something special – When away or busy, trade something personal or special with each other. This will help teens feel supported and connected to their family members through hard times.

About The National Children’s Cancer Society (NCCS)

The National Children’s Cancer Society (NCCS), headquartered in St. Louis, Missouri, is a not-for-profit organization providing support to families making their way through the daunting world of childhood cancer and survivorship. With over 30 years of experience serving nearly 43,000 children, the NCCS is able to take a “no matter what” approach to help families stay strong, stay positive and stay together. The NCCS has been recognized as a Better Business Bureau Accredited Charity and earned a GuideStar Platinum Seal of Transparency. For more information call 314-241-1600, visit theNCCS.org, or on Facebook and Twitter.

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