A lot of my friends keep asking me how I’m surviving the transition from two kids to three (especially if they are one of families with two kids who are considering a third… I know that decision is hard, I’ve been there).
Let me be the first to tell you that some days are not easy. When they all need you at the same time, there can be a really tough few minutes.
But most of the day on most days (besides those few weeks when we were all sick) it’s been fairly smooth.
Why? Because third babies really are easier. And here’s why.
My expectations have changed.
Let me explain.
With my first son, I was absolutely stressed all the time about what I should be doing (I had never cared for a newborn before!), how much he should be sleeping, researching the next stage of development, and I was tired… always tired.
With my second son, I did a lot of the comparison game (even though I tried not to)… in some ways he was easier, and in some ways he was harder. Figuring it all out with a toddler in tow was the most difficult part, though. But I still felt like if I could just figure it out things would go smoothly. Somehow I could make everyone happy all the time… thinking about it kept me up at night.
With my daughter – my third baby who is now 5 months old – I just know it’s all going to be okay. I know I’m going to make mistakes. I know all of the kids will have their unhappy moments. I know now it’s not my job to make everyone happy. But I also know that love will conquer all and in the end (I hope) they will remember a happy childhood.
Let me give a few examples of how my perspective has changed by sharing some recent experiences, comparing my attitude now to my attitude pre-baby #3. A couple weekends ago I took baby on a three day trip to Sydney for a weekend of parties, restaurant outings, and conferencing with my blog agency Nuffnang and fellow Bloggerati.
Some people thought I was a bit crazy to be attempting a weekend away with a baby. But I just said, “We’ll see how it goes.”
(Note: My older two kids stayed at home for the weekend, so it was only me and bub traveling. In this post I’m just comparing how it was to travel with a baby alone, and my attitude towards the experiences now versus then.)
Example 1: Flying. A 1-hour flight from Brisbane to Sydney (thanks Qantas!)
First 2 babies: Worry for weeks in advance about the baby getting “off schedule.” Pack everything he possibly might need in a huge carry-on bag just in case. Plan the whole flight around nap times and become terribly anxious when he doesn’t sleep “like normal” (what is normal anyway?). Stress out when baby cries because we may upset other passengers.
Baby #3: Pack a change of clothes, four nappies, a couple toys, and the baby carrier in my regular bag so it’s easy to carry. Count on naps being missed and just make sure to try to let baby sleep when at all possible. Chat to the people sitting around me about the baby and let her interact with them before she gets upset… so they feel sympathetic instead of annoyed. Trust that it will all be okay.
Example 2: An evening out for the Nuffnang Sydney office launch party at the ECQ bar, thanks to Destination NSW
First 2 babies: Get flustered because I have nothing to wear. Wonder why nursing clothes are so expensive and how can I use my old baby carrier and still look dressed up?! I can’t do it! I can’t be seen at a party wearing this!
Baby #3: Figure out how to dress up my one nursing dress by going online and finding a babywearing group so I can borrow a “fancy” carrier from someone. Hey, people know I’m holding a baby… I’m not going to be held to the same standards of fancy dress. Passionate babywearers are so generous with their numerous wraps and carriers, I had about 15 to choose from! On the night, just relax and remember that if bub needs to go home, I can just taxi it back to the hotel.
Pictured with: Kelly of Be A Fun Mum, Deborah of Learn with Play at Home, Ngaire of Brisbane Kids, and Rachel of Racheous. Photo credit: Alexander Kesselaar
Example 3: Staying in a new place! The beautiful hotel – Rydges Sydney Central
First 2 babies: Worry if the baby will notice he’s in a different room – the sounds, smells, light will be different… surely he won’t sleep!!! Why won’t my baby SLEEP?! What am I doing wrong?!?! (Go google “baby sleep schedules” for an hour.)
Baby #3: Don’t stress because it’s not a big deal to wake up three or four times (or more) at night. She’s FIVE MONTHS OLD and the majority of babies are waking numerous times at night… so what if I don’t have one of those miracle babies that sleeps through the night at week 1, most people don’t. Focus on enjoying the massive, comfy and beautiful hotel bed and just go with the flow.
Example 4: Yummy lunch at the Burger Project, thanks to Qantas
First 2 babies: I can’t take the baby to a restaurant! He might cry! And what if he knocks someone’s drink over?!
Baby #3: Yay I love not having to prepare a meal for myself! I’ll take the baby carrier and just walk around if bub needs to go to sleep at some point. No biggie.
Pictured with Lucy of Bake Play Smile
Example 5: Six hour Conference at the Pullman Quay Sydney Harbour in the Macquarie Room, thanks to Spotlight
First 2 babies: Absolutely no way I’ll be able to hear anything, so may as well not even go.
Baby #3: She’s five months old so it’s now or never. Next year I definitely cannot bring a toddler to a conference. I’ll just let her nap in the carrier and take her outside the room if she needs that.
Yes, the baby ended up keeping me busy while sleeping, feeding, or playing during that meeting. But whenever I had to go out of the room, I got to hear most of what happened from right outside the door. It was definitely better than nothing!
All in all it was a fabulous trip around the gorgeous city of Sydney, and I thoroughly enjoyed it even with the baby in tow.
I wouldn’t say I would take a baby of any age to a weekend full of events… but at five months, it was possible.
Because third babies really are easier. But it’s not her, it’s me.
Do you have a third child? Are they easier? Do you agree with my theory that it’s mostly based on perception?
Thanks to Nuffnang, Destination NSW, Qantas and Rydges for giving us a fabulous weekend in Sydney. We had an awesome time and I can’t wait to bring the whole family one day. See more beautiful Sydney sites and must-do attractions by checking #ILoveSydney.
I always planned for “two kids with and option for a third” and then after our first we had twins… Someone always had to wait so it was easier in that respect! I have considered a fourth on a very few occasions because I figured it would be a lot like how you describe your third… easy and relaxed! But we will stay a three kid family.
Nice to meet you up there!
OMG twins would be crazy! (I’m sure you hear that on repeat every day) My dad was a twin, so I’m pretty afraid to go for a fourth in fear of having 5 LOL. Lovely to meet you, too!
Did you do anything different to have a girl as your 3rd? We have 2 girls and are considering having a 3rd and would like a boy.
We did try the timing method, but no idea if it worked as it’s a 50/50 chance anyway! Google Shettles 🙂
She was just gorgeous and I hardly noticed she was there! I’m glad you came, it was lovely meeting both of you.
Thanks Cinti, I’m glad I came too! If she was any older, I probably wouldn’t have. But being 5 months, it was great timing 🙂
I love this! As someone planning a third – I can see how much your perspective changes and evolves and this is exciting and inspiring!
I am definitely becoming less of a helicopter parent which is great for both me and the kids 🙂
Totally agree, my third baby and child I had a different expectation and approach, so despite his challenges of his own, we are more relaxed parents. I loved meeting you both and she was superb, clearly thanks to your wonderful parenting, look forward to meeting agin!
More relaxed is a great way to put it 🙂 It was great to meet you, too!
Lovely to meet your cute baby girl – she was easy to have around and I personally noticed a big difference between my No 1 and No 2 and how much less stressed I was. Kids grow up fine without perfect parents all the time!
I think I was such a stressed person to begin with I needed three kids to relax a bit hehe. And I agree – parents don’t have to be perfect. Making sure our kids know we love, respect and accept them (even if we don’t give them everything they want) is the most important!
I still think you’re amazing. Glad you had a nice time away.
Thanks, Kate 🙂 I was lucky she was five months old for this trip! Any later, I would have had to accept the reality that a crawling, eating baby was not able to sit through a meeting. LOL
What a great read! It was lovely meeting you in Sydney, and so great to see a mother in her prime with such a good baby girl – a credit to your amazing attitude and loving/relaxed spirit. Emily x
This is so great Chelsea. I loved meeting your precious girl and you were both great. I agree, I was much more relaxed 3rd and 4th time round!
Only two so far, but I have definitely been much more relaxed with the second vs. the first. That’s great you got to go on the trip. I found that after 5 months it was a lot more difficult for my second daughter to just fall asleep anywhere. But up through 5 months she did more than her fair share of sleeping in the Cartier while we were out and about, on vacation, shopping, visiting, etc. After that we had to do more scheduling around nap times.
Enjoyed your post–as a mother of twins and a third, I totally agree. Three is the perfect number. I do just want to comment that your baby is so adorable and I love the pictures you’ve taken of her. Gorgeous! So important to remember to enjoy every moment. Someone told me that with parenting the days are long, but the years are short. Keep smiling! – Sarah
oh I so agree!!!! third babies are a dream – bc they have to just kinda slot into family life, so they do 🙂 wonderful weekend and so lovely that you got to spend some precious one on one time w baby too! xx
I can’t believe how amazing bub was – but you were totally relaxed with her too!!! It was absolutely lovely to meet you. You’re such an incredibly special and beautiful person. Cant wait to catch up again! xx
Your incredible xperience just served as a reminder that sometimes life processes themselves don’t change and our ability to successfully interact with them depends entirely on our own process of growth ,development and change in our parental perspective. I am therefore encouraged to actively engage in a developmental journey as a mom so I may be empowered to interact with the parental journey in a much more meaningful way…thanks again for selflessly going ahead of us in your own parental journey and in turn discovering these amazing parental strategies which are helping us become effective and relevant parents as required by our kids for each phase of their development….I look forward to your articles every week.
She was an absolute dream and I was constantly blown away by how peaceful and quiet she was. What a little trooper, not many kids can say they’ve been on a blogging trip at such a young age 😉
I was way scared and anxious with number one a girl (now 4)! Number two has been relaxed, chill and happy boy (14 months). Our son has made us question if our family is complete, hoping to have number three next summer! What is the age gap between your 3?
It’s a hard decision when to stop, isn’t it?! Ours are 2.5 and nearly 4 years apart. Pros and cons to all age gaps 🙂
Yes I agree 100% my third is 5 weeks old today and it’s been the easiest transition by far. I was so worried my entire pregnancy that it was going to be horrible and that I wouldn’t be able to meet all 3 kids needs and I have done just fine this far. My older kids adjusted very well. And I am very thankful that it’s been great so far.
We’re trying for #3 starting today. Bittersweet but we aren’t getting any younger glad to hear it’s easier with 3.
Loved reading this, as I just found out we are expecting our third baby. Surprise! 🙂 I definitely agree with your perspective though, it is what it is! As moms, we are the queens of adaptation! We make it work. It seems the one thing we always forget is to RELAX lol. Awesome read, xo.