Moments A Day

Personal growth for kids and adults

Hoping for a Baby after a Loss

Hoping for a baby after a loss

Every pregnancy is different.  I really understand that now.

When I first looked at the “positive” pregnancy test last month, I was overcome with emotions I never had with my first three pregnancies.  My first two pregnancies were full of excitement and automatic attachment to the little beings growing inside me.  These ended with healthy baby boys.  Such blessings.

My third pregnancy started out the same but sadly ended in miscarriage.  It was a shock and gave me deeper insight into the complicated process that “expecting a baby” can be for many women.

My miscarriage taught me so much about life – and love – and I am a believer that we can grow from all experiences we are faced with.  But obviously I don’t want to experience miscarriage again.  I didn’t want it to happen so much that at one point I even wondered if I would ever want to try for a baby again… I wasn’t sure if I could bear loss another time.  However now that I’m cautiously hoping for a baby to hold in my arms one day, knowing the potential is finally here and actually possible, I still need to accept that for the most part I have absolutely no control over the situation at all.

While I know I have much to be grateful for and my struggles pale in comparison to many others, I am simply dealing with my own situation right now and trying to accept that I am having a hard time.  (If you haven’t already read my experience with miscarriage, you can do so in this post.)

So this time around, my fourth pregnancy, I have decided to skip the “12 week rule” about waiting to share… because I would like to be honest about what I am going through and for people to know it’s normal – in case they are facing this challenge as well.  Basically I have been a bit overwhelmed with various emotions… and the morning sickness – while reassuring in some ways – unfortunately doesn’t make things any better.

Every day I am working on detachment from the outcome of this pregnancy because I know I cannot control what happens through willpower or worry; trying to feel hopeful things will work out for the best even as I feel so much anxiety due to my past experience; embracing the normal pregnancy hormones and physical challenges with patience; and also remembering to be present with my two other children who are going about life as normal 5 and 3 year olds who could never be expected to understand what mama is going through.

For the most part I am trying to take each moment, and each day as it comes.

I am also doing what people usually do when life throws them a new situation to work through.  I am prioritising all the areas of my life and figuring out how I can move forward in the best way possible.

This process has led me to decide to step back from blogging for a while – until at least the first trimester or half of the pregnancy has finished because it is the most nerve wracking time.  My heart and mind just need time to rest and concentrate on taking care of myself and my family.

I have so many drafts of articles and some awesome product reviews in the works… which I have had to delay sharing due to this decision.  (Thanks to my wonderful sponsors for understanding and being willing to wait until I feel better.)  However I think it will be best for me in the long run to take a break right now, and I hope all of you – my wonderful readers – will return once I start posting regularly again.

If you are new here, or haven’t yet scrolled through my archives – you may enjoy reading some of these popular posts:

And don’t forget about my ebooks, which give a great overview and introduction to what this blog is all about — making character the heart of the home.

I will miss sharing here and interacting with you all on social media.  Please take care and if you would like to get in touch for some reason, you can find my contact details here.

Thanks for your support and I look forward to seeing you again.  Hopefully sooner rather than later.

All my love,

Chelsea

UPDATE 6 AUGUST 2014:

Wow everyone I am so thankful for your support and love. From comments on this post, private emails and messages on my Facebook announcement – I am very touched by the sweetness shown to me after I opened up about this very personal experience.  I am happy to share that I am now out of the first trimester and had an ultrasound that showed our baby is growing well.  I am still not over the morning sickness or anxiety in full, but am feeling a LOT better.  I am hoping to be sharing a bit more on the blog soon. xx

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  1. A very moving post Chelsea. I can only imagine the difficulty in having had a previous miscarriage and how that would play on your mind with your current pregnancy. You are in my thoughts lovely girl and I am so pleased that you are listening to your needs and stepping back from things until you’re ready. Sending you lots of love.

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  3. I know what you are going through. I felt the same way as you did except my miscarriage was my first pregnancy. I had all those emotions the 2nd time around. I was almost afraid to move, thinking maybe if I did not move the baby would be OK. I think that is why I had some detachment to my 2nd pregnancy, I was afraid to fall in love not knowing if this was going to be a good turn out. Even when I was pregnant again 2 years later with my son, I felt the same way. I was s scared that I would lose that baby too. I still cry on the anniversary date, it’s been 9 years. Just know you are not alone and embrace every moment of your pregnancy. Everything happens for a reason. I thank God today because he game me a beautiful little girl that if I did not lose the first, then she would not be here today.

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  4. Much love to you Chelsea. And praying for you to have a strong, healthy growing bub inside you who will bring you great joy like your boys.
    I miscarried our first and that has made my next three pregnancies challenging but I like you resolved that what will be will be. Enjoy your break and relish in the time you have with these early memories xxx

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  9. I wish you the best of luck with your new pregnancy. Everything you wrote, described me and my pregnancy after a miscarriage. My son was born healthy and such a blessing, yet I had trouble getting attached to him the first few weeks. It wasn’t because of postpartum but because I had already experienced such a tragic loss I couldn’t put myself in another heart breaking situation. I thought something was wrong with me, but speaking to other mom’s who had previously miscarried confirmed that it was normal to go through these feelings. Throughout the pregnancy I would only take it day by day and couldn’t even say, “when he arrives”; because it was always turned to “if” he makes it. My advice to you, enjoy the pregnancy as much as you, impossible as it sounds, but after you give birth and look back, you wish you would have than.

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  12. You are amazing for sharing! I went through a very similar experience and know how hard this process is. You are right on target with all of your emotions, hang in there and love on that belly and those boys!

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  13. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post. I could have written it myself. I lost my 3rd baby this January at 9wks. I have a healthy 6 and 3 yr old and never expected the heartbreak of miscarriage. I am now 12 wks pregnant with our rainbow baby and although I feel a bit more confident with each test and u/s, I am still struggling with how to navigate the flurry of emotions. I will say that I have a new awe and appreciation for pregnancy because of my loss. That is a small blessing I am welcoming as I watch this baby grow. Prayers for a healthy, happy-as-can-be 9 months!

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